~ last day of november ~

~ brain stuck ~

Study study study study study .... I will try my best !!!

~ energy ~

~ Energy ... Big energy don't know came from where to cheer me up and have a little bit positive thinking but is only a very very short time~ Is like a wind ... After a very short time .. energy had gone !!! All the negative thinking had come and i am back to the previous ... aiks ...What should i do ? I really don't understand myself ..

I really hope the energy come to me and stick in my bodies so that i will not give up and will not have negative thinking ... What should i do to make myself have that energy .. who can help me ?

I really want ... I really scare ... I really hope .. I really think .. But i have no answer ... Hope more and sad more ... I really want but i cant do it .. I really scare but got what use ? nothings can do ..

Where is the moment i needed the most ?
I had kick up the leaves and the magic is gone .
My blue skies fade to gray .
My passion had gone away .
I stand on the line just to hit the new low .
My faking smile
My life's been way offline .
I am falling into pieces always .
I have a bad day , i sing a sad song hope it can turn it around , but it cannot turn into a good day .
I really don't know and i don't want to lie myself .
I need a blue sky

If you have a bad day , also cannot lose the hope !!! but my problems make my hope lose and get into a bad day !!! I have a bad day and i sing a sad song but i cannot turn it around ... I am so so so so sad and lose all the hope ~~

~~ today is friday ~~

~ This is the last Friday for me to study .... hahaha ~~~ Next Friday exam !!! My feeling on that day is happy and also sad ~~ Happy is because the exam has pass , sad is because ...know lah ..

Today i and kor kor went to sainburry's ... We plan to buy present for aunt but we think so long ... 1 n half hours inside the supermarket .. haha .. At last we bought 100 pound ~~ huhu ... exp neh but it is worth lah .. haha ...

Received my ACCA certificate today ~~

~ crying day ~

Today is a crying day . I don't know why will cry for whole day ... seem like too many tears ... I really feel sorry ... I don't understand ur heart .. 1 day i feel u okay , 1 day i feel u not okay ... haiz ...

Thanks da shao ~~

I don't know tease u happy , please forgive me ....
I do not know listening ur heart , please forgive me ...
I am learning to be tough , mature , independent , let u feel more ease ..
I am learning do not be waywardness , do not give up and do not spiteful act ..

Sorry .. Please forgive me ~~

~~ Don't know what mood i have now ~~

What is my mood now ? scare , sad , happy , lonely , miss , hate ? I think all also have ... I am facing a problems ... I am thinking what should i do now ... What i want ? what i like ? what should do ? what to do ?

I really don't know why i have so big different with others !!! Why i cannot do somethings good to make the person who love and care me be happy ? Why i always give trouble to them ? Why i always don't know how to decide a things ? Isn't it I had somebody to rely so now i become a person don't know what to do and what should do ?

I really don't know don't know don't know ~ I don't like this type of life ~~~ I hate to be alone ~~~ Maybe this is the different between Malaysia and UK ~~~

Blur ~~~

~ the bad feeling come back again ~

~~ very very bad feeling come back ~~

I am so so so sad ~~
I am so so so tired ~~
I am very very very hate !!
I am very very very scare !!!

~ cannot sleep !!! ~

I cannot sleep i cannot sleep !!! why ? why ?
I am very very tired but i cannot sleep !!!! aiks ... heartbroken !!!

Suddenly feel Can't take my eyes of you this song very very nice n meaningful ~~ Love this song at the moment ~~ hahaha ....

Study ah !!! left 10 days ah ~~~ and left 20 days can back to Malaysia ... yeah yeah `~~ I know i will not happy after 2 month but i still want to go back Malaysia 1st at least this 2 month i can be happy than now ~~ aiks ... stressful ... hate the life here ... extremely sien , lonely n stressful ~~~ How could i find myself ? where should i go and what should i do ? haiz ~~ I am the person don't know what i want , what i like , what to do , where to go and which road to walk !!!!!!!

~~ sad ~~

God , why u give snow come when i m sleeping ? I though u will present me coz i love snow very much but snow gone off in the morning .. aiks .. I m so sad ~~

Study study study ~~~~

Sien ~!!!!!!!!!!!!

~ miss and sad ~

~ I miss I miss ~ I sad I sad ~ Sorry my lovely ~
I know you had give up as well .. I know you are sad ~ what to do ?
I also give up . I also sad .. I feel sorry too ~~
Kelly is not a kelly ~ kelly is a stupid girl , useless girl ... I have no position to require people love me .. sorry .. very very sorry ~~

Sien ~~ Crazy gal ~~

^^ sorry ^^

^^ sorry ^^

I realised i had give up ... I am very sorry to those people who love and care me .. I still remember what i promised you but I am very very sorry . I cant do it .. I realised i had give up ...

I feel guilty , stress and sad when u all give me your love and care .. I am really sorry !! My tears are non stop streaming when i feel u all care about me ...I am useless .. I am stupid ...

I am a bedraggled person ..I am the person that come to the world for giving trouble to people ...I don't know what to say to myself anymore ... I am the person that always give problems to the person who love me ... I will not give u any happiness .. I cant give you .. My promise cannot trust .. I will not achieve what i had promised . I am the people that always be in 2 mind ..

Please do not trust what i had promised . I cant do it .. I am useless .. Sorry ...

Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry

sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry
sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry
sorry sorry sorry sorry
sorry sorry sorry
sorry sorry
very very very sorry
sorry sorry
sorry sorry sorry
sorry sorry sorry sorry
sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry
sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry
sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry
sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry

~ A fragile heart ~

I realised that i have a fragile heart ... I feel sorry to those who care me ... I am very sorry .. I know you all love and care me but i feel more stressful and sad because i feel sorry to you all !! I am very sorry and thanks for the support !!

chocolate ~
chocolate is a snack that can make people feel happy and forget the sadness ? Is this really ? Why i had chocolate but i don't feel happy ? I feel really heartbroken and sad ~~~

I know other people might have more stress than i had but this stress is maximum for me .. I cannot accept more stress than this ... I really miss secondary life , that time i really feel what is happy although sometime is unhappy .... That time my life is so free , i have nothing to worry and did not care that much ...

Everybody say I had grow up a lots than last time . Is this good or bad ? I don't feel any happy after i had grow up . I had a lots of thing to think and care !! I think I am not suitable to be a person that can give people feel happy .. I came to this world , is give people trouble not happy ..

Now i feel like i had drop in a very deep hole and cannot get up anymore~~

I feel suffocated..

~ a very terrible day ~

~ Today is a very very terrible day ~

While crying while studying !! I really feel very very stress ~~ How hard i tried , i also cannot do it .. why ? I really so stupid ?At last , crying without tears because my tears had dry up !!! aiks ....

Eat ? good appetite ? >> no more ~~ is it good or bad ? at least can keep fit !! haha ...

I don't know how to express my feeling !! I don't know what to say , the only thing i can say is i am very stress , sad , scare ...

Hard day to pass , Hard to get a good breath ~~

~~ tired ~~

~ another very tired day ~
I am very very tired ... left 17 days to tired and sad ~~~ After that of course have 2 months happy days ~~ After that !!!! 98% will be sad ~~ What to do ? I am too stupid !!! haiz ~~~

~ A hard breath ~
I cannot breath , I really cannot breath ... Everything is stuck there , i cannot breath ...

~ enjoy your holiday ya ~
Enjoy your 10 days taiwan trip ya~~

~ what to do ? what to do ? ~

I really don't know what to do ... What to do what to do ? Only left 17 days ... but i still cant remember the syllabus ... I remember A i forget B , i remember B i forget A , i remember C i forget A and B !!! What to do ? Who can help me ? I really try my best but look like i cant do it ... I feel very tired .. I cant even smile .. What to do except wash face by tears ~~ I really scare the results will make all people disappointed but what to do .. I really cant do it ...
Last time i believe if work hard , of course the results will be good but i know how i work hard now , i also cant do it ..

While i heard this >> You should think are you choose the correct course ? My heart have a lots of things to consider and i don't know what i like ... Sad feeling !!

All the negative thinking are come back .... Since last time i have negative thinking but in last few month i change to have some positive thinking in my life but now back to negative thinking .. What should i do although i know all people dislike negative thinking people !! It run inside my brain !! aiks ...

I had try my best .. I really try my best .. I hate being myself .. I want to amnesia .. I dislike to be what i be now !!! I cant even see the bright even though i had turn on the light ..

Really dark !!

~~ In a word ~~

" In a word "
I cant stop the feeling ..
My heart is hide behind ..
I cant feel the happiness anymore ..
I cant hear the word that can cheer me up anymore ..

I am scare , I am lonely , I am sad , I am lazy , I am stupid , I am pig , I am bleeding , I am crying , I am thinking , I am useless , I am forgetful

Last time i talk to you , i will feel better ..
But now i talk to you , i have no happy feeling ..
Last time i am very happy ..
but now i am not happy ..
Last time i feel better after i share out my sadness..
but now i feel same although the sadness had share out to someone ..
I have no mood ...

I want to close my eye and pass to another happy life ... I hope the sad time will pass quickly and always be the lucky gal ...I hope the same worry and sadness only come 1 time ... so hope all the lucky come to me ....

Help me Help me Help me Help me ... ~~~
Save me Save me Save me Save me ...~~~
I lost myself .... I am insane soon ~~

~ A dream that keep repeat ~

~ I am shocked wake by a dream that i had dream for few times .. Why it come to me always ? Is this because the dream is going to come into my real life ? But now i cant remember what is the dream anymore .. aiks .. I cant even remember is this good dream or bad dream , happy dream or scary dream ... I just remember for few minutes after i wake up then i forget every single things and only know this dream keep come to me ...

Hopefully is a good and happy dream ~~

I am very tired ... I had sleep in abnormal times that the time i will never sleep ... Maybe you think it is quite normal but for me i think it is abnormal ... I will not sleep at that time ... Maybe i am too tired with this kind of life ...

Tears will come to me when i am scare and when i feel lonely ... I realise i have phobia because i am afraid of facing exam ... That feeling is really make my life become gray .. I have no confidence at all and i cannot concentrate at all .. What i studied will not store and lock inside my brain ..This is not good isn't it ? aiks .. I am afraid ... I am scare ... I am stress ...

Can i face all these stress until the day i graduate ? Do you think i can ? I think i will insane before i graduate .. This type of stress really make me cant breath !! aiks ... A soft heart will get influenced by these type of stress ... A soft heart cant fight against these type of stress .. Isn't it care too much then have more stress ? Maybe .... Maybe i am caring too many things !! aiks ... Not pass then failed , Not failed then pass .. scare what ? haiz ...No one can know what my feeling is ... what my stress is ... I hate to be myself ~~ I don't like have a stressful life ... I think no one like this but what can we do ? We have to face it although we dislike .. These only can bring us be more mature ~~

Life is easy but human make it become hard !! ~ > I am not agree with this !!!

Life is not easy ~ Life is full of stress ! Life is full of sadness ~ Life is lack of happiness ! Happiness will come less than sadness ~~ Happiness will be only a shorter time but sadness will follow you for a very long time before you can throw them away ~~

Start night drive ~ Can i do it ? haha ... Hopefully i am not going to be pig soon ~~~

Yeah ...

Yeah, I am successful using iphone to blog ... Beh pai nih ... Haha ... But need have internet lar ... Ma huan nih .. Not always have line to online ler .... Haha ...

~~ trying ~~

I am trying blogging with my iphone ... Haha ... Will it appear on my blog ? Hopefully I am doing the right way ... Let check ...

~~ i am super lazy ~~

I am very lazy today .. I cant concentrate at all .. I cant study at all .. What am i know about p5 that i am going to exam ? I am going to die ... who can help me ? who can cheer me up and give me a hope ? haiz ...

Hopefully my hard work can get a pass !!

~ boom boom boom ~

My brain is full !!! full with ???? don't know hopefully is the useful p5 notes !! hahaha ...

My brain is boom ~~~

busy + tired ~

~ busy busy & tired tired ~

~ busy busy & tired tired ~

~ busy busy & tired tired ~

~ busy busy & tired tired ~

~ busy busy & tired tired ~

~ tired ~

I am very very tired . really tired ..

~ bless ~

Bless my cousin get well soon ~

Hope mummy will be free , healthy ..

A very hard day for me .... Study study study study !!!!

~~ buffet ~~

Today we planned to go Milton Keynes to have dim sum at Taipan but on the way to Taipan we saw a Red Hot World buffet !! ( It is opposite Taipan restaurant ) ... haha ~~ 3rd of us wah ~~ We said buffet restaurant had finished renovate ... Then we look at the buffet advertisement board . Wah !!!! 150 dishes include Italian , Chinese , Indian , English , Cajun and Mexican .... Then we said change place change place .. Here is nice , more choices and cheaper than dim sum ... Then we said see the dishes only decide .. It is a lots of choices ... 150 dishes !! wah lao eh ..It is very attractive !! It is very beautiful restaurant ~~ then we decide to eat the buffet ..

At last we are extremely full !! hahaha .... The foods are very nice .. yummy yummy ~~

Mummy u have lost the chance to try this nice world buffet ... Next time u come , we go together .. haha ... It is very nice ~~

some pictures ~~












~ strawberry and lemon cheese cake .. yummy ~











~ pannacota ~











~ buffet ~

~~ the feeling of skiping class ~~

Today i had skipped my class .. This could be a very happy day for me because i don't have to wake up earlier and go to the boring class but i am not happy at all ... I cannot sleep well .... I planned not to study and enjoy for the whole day but once it come to evening i have a very scary feeling that about my exam so i take out the question book and try answer the question and planned to ask my aunt whether i have answer the question correctly either ....

I have answer wrongly but my answer have some point on it ... aiks .. I am very sad and confused on how can i answer correctly and understand all the syllabus !!! I am very very sad .... I am very very stupid ....stress !!!!

left 3 weeks to prepare 20 chapters !! In this 20 chapters i only know 1 part of it ... aiks ... Can i manage to finish in this 3 weeks ???? kelly !!! Are you going to continue your lazy ?? Am i lazy ?? I had study from 8am until 5pm !!! Is it still lazy ??? I don't know what is the purposed for me to study that much ? I am really sad and feel very stress in certain reason ... I am really feel my world is dark in the moment because i am very stress in this subject !! struggling in many things in this subject !!!

What i think now is I don't want to grow up !!!

我不想长大 ..( I don't want to grow up )

我不想长大不想不想长大
I don't want to grow up , i really don't want to
长大以后世界就没有花
once i am grow up , i have no colorful world
我不想长大真的很不想
I don't want to grow up ! I really don't want to
我宁愿永远又傻又笨
I rather to be stupid and silly forever
我不想长大真的很不想
I really don't hope to be grow up
长大以后我会失去我小时候拥有的快乐
I had lost my happiness once i grow up
我真的好想回去小时候
I hope to be small kid forever
那时的我真的一点烦恼都没有
I have no worried at all when i am small
我好回去天真愚蠢的我
I want to go back when i am naive and stupid
我不想不想很不想的长大
I hope i am not going to grow up forever !!

I want to be a kid forever !!!!

sandwiches day ~~

Today is sandwiches day because my breakfast and lunch is sandwiches !!!!
haha .. The sandwiches are made by ???? of course is me lah !!! hahaha ... It is quite nice ~~ haha ...

At night my aunt and i prepared party foods for my aunt tomorrow office party ~~~ I and kor keep curi makan .. haha .. yummy yummy ~~~ haha ....

I will live happily and try my best in my studies ~~

Hope i have chance to pass the exam ~~~ jia you kelly ~~ don't give up oh ~~

~ yeah ~

I am very scare because 5th of december is coming . I am going to face a very scary 2 hours .. After that i am going to holiday but can i enjoy on that day ? I don't think so .. I am double , triple and ..... scare and sad !!!

I had try my best in this 2 month + but i still know nothings . Today ... i know how to answer a question !! yeah .. i am happy although i know a question does not give me many marks . It is only 10 marks .. but i am very happy that at last i know how to answer 1 question .. I hope i will know how to answer the 2nd ,3rd ,4th ,5th and so on ..... God please help me ..

I promised myself this weekend start i want to study .. I hope i can do it !! I hope i don't give up ... I hope i can try my best to do ..

~~ feeling ~~

I miss you ~ I miss every things ..

I am sad ~ I am crying ..

I am stress ~ I am worry ..

I am alone ~ I am scare ..

~~ a very complicated mood .. ~~

I have a complicated mood ... I had try my best to do but i realise that i cant .. aiks .. I really hope i can but i cant .. I really don't know what to do ... aiks .. sad sad ...

Stupid mood ..

~~ sien sien sien ~~

I am very bored .. I am bored till don't know what to do ... Sien ...

Boring !!! Boring !!! Boring !!!

A very sick day !!

aiks .. I have a very terrible day .. I am sick , my mouth was very sour .. yier ...
I got headache ... Is because of the knock ? Maybe is maybe not because i can touch my head already .. I just cannot press the specific place because it is still have a little bit pain .. haha .. But i think it is much okay than b4 ~~ hehe ...

Kelly got a very sick heart ... I had realise a lots of things is not suitable me including the course i study now ... It is very unsuitable to me .. I am very upset ... I have a sense of inferiority . I feel sorry to those peoples who think that i can ... I am very sorry because i cannot do it .. I had try very hard but now i know that it is too hard for me and it is not suitable me ... Anyway how , i will try my best with the stress .. Hopefully , i can beat down all the exam and get into qualified as soon as possible ..

A lots of people will said : Don't care you pass or failed ,as long as you have try your best . This is probably 3rd parties will say ... Same to me , i will tell my friends this as well ... Actually this advise does not help a lots but it can let people feel that you are still get support .... Is this good for hear ? haha .. For me , i don't think so . I don't like people keep remind me study , and exam is coming . I hate this now !!!!!

1 more month !! 4 weeks ~~~ I am going to jump from the most high mountain !!! I am very worry but i'm still do nothings ... Am i study hard ? aiks ... Why i still don't know at all ?? haiz ....

I am super stupid in study !!! Stupid kelly ~~

Stupid Kelly jia you ~~~

1 time cannot then try 2nd time ... 2nd time cannot try 3rd time ... you have 10 years to qualified !!! Maximum 10 years ~~~